Is your audience trying to send you a Dear John letter?

Dear Speaker,

Hi. It's me your audience. You may not recognize me since you've been staring at your own PowerPoint slides for the last 30-minutes, but here I am.

We need to talk. This “relationship” is not really working out for me.

Hey, I'm out here gazing at you, wishing you the best, and trying to pay attention. But you won't even look at me. Instead you are reading your slides to me. I'm not 3-years old. I don't need a bedtime story. I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm literate. I can read your slides too. You've pretty much made yourself irrelevant in this whole relationship.

Let's face it, you do seem rather self-absorbed. You spent the first 5 minutes of your presentation talking about yourself after you were thoroughly introduced to me. You clearly think you are great, but maybe you should have asked me a question or two. I don't feel like you want to get to know me, and you definitely don't understand me. You don't know what thrills or disappoints me. You don't understand my troubles. You don't seem to care.

I really don't know where this thing is going. No, seriously, you are not making any sense. I'm utterly lost in your lack of organization. You've left me behind, and you haven't even noticed.

We need to end this thing. No, I really mean we need to end this presentation. You're 10 minutes overtime. I've got crap to do. Please just shut up and go away.

In the immortal words of Motley Crüe, “Don't go away mad. Just go away.”

Sarcastic air-kisses, 

Your Audience