The Biggest Reason You’re Not Speaking More: Trusting Yourself
Happy Halloween, rebel speakers.
Today, on the most haunted day of the year, we are going to travel to one of the most frightening places on the planet.
It is a spooky place where you spend a lot of your time. It's your own mind.
Specifically what your mind is saying to you and how that is actually holding you back from speaking more.
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Once upon a time, I met a wonderful speaker named Tricia (named changed for the obvious reason.)
- She was already a speaker.
- She was getting paid.
- She was making a difference to her audience and she was doing amazing work in the marketing world.
But it was Tricia's time to level up. She knew that she needed to show up as a professional speaker to really take her speaking business where she wanted to go.
Talking with Tricia, it was so easy for me to see her potential.
I could see her on bigger stages with more gigs and more money.
I could see that all we needed to do was spend some time tightening up her messaging, her positioning, her marketing, and how she was showing up.
She had so much potential.
With her connections, she could easily be one of the top speakers in her field, the one that everyone is talking about, within the next year.
After speaking with Tricia, I put together a proposal to work together, we had a follow-up call, and I never heard from Tricia again.
She ghosted me.
Now there could be a lot of reasons why Tricia ghosted me.
Maybe she decided to work with someone else.
But really one of the things that I see again and again with my clients, most likely she got a little scared to get onto those bigger stages and she didn't trust herself.
Frankly, that breaks my heart. Because it has nothing to do with her enthusiasm, her passion, her experience, and expertise or her tenacity.
She just doesn't trust herself.
I get that when people make a commitment to work with me, they are taking a huge risk to trust themselves that they can be seen, heard, make a difference, and get paid for it.
If you're in this place right now of doubting yourself and doubting whether the speaking thing is right for you, whether you should be doing it, then there are three actions I want you to take right now.
Action #1: Remember Why You’re Awesome & Should Be a Speaker
The first action is to believe you're awesome.
Now I know it's like, “Michelle, if believing I was awesome was so easy, I'd already be that speaker.”
My most popular episode this year was way back in January or February. I talked about the one exercise I make speakers do before pricing their speaking or stepping into sales conversations and negotiations.
That one exercise is called the why I'm awesome list. This is such an important exercise for you to do to really root yourself in all of your accomplishments.
You need this list!
Our brains play horrible tricks on us when we start thinking about what we're awesome at, what we're good at, and what we've accomplished.
Our minds tell us things like, “Eh, it's not a big deal,” or “I wasn't really all that involved in the success anyway,” or even, “Mmm, it's such a small thing.”
I want to tell you here and now that it is a big deal, you had a huge part in that success, and it's not a small thing.
I totally get this because I do this all the time.
Way back when I graduated with my Ph.D., I said all of these things, like,
“Eh, getting a Ph.D., it's not a big deal. Anyone could do it.”
The truth is only 1% of America has a Ph.D. It is a big deal.
When we don't own why we're awesome, why we're good at something, then we keep ourselves stuck and playing small.
You're awesome and I want you to see that for yourself.
Action #3: Lean in & Trust Your Expertise
Now the second action to take is to trust your expertise.
Part of the “Why I'm awesome list” is listing all the things you have done, whether it was in school or in the real world, to hone your expertise.
You should know that you are enough the way you are right now. You don't need more experience. You don't need another degree or another training or another certification.
You don't need a better story.
Because you are enough.
I had one speaker tell me that she didn't want to work with me because she didn't think she was worth it as if her expertise wasn't worth it and she wasn't worth it.
That made me so sad because if you're called to speak and you have something valuable to say, then you are enough and you are worth it!
People want to hear your expertise. Because not everyone can do what you can do.
I know when you're an expert in something it feels so easy to do your thing.
You need to remember that the reason that it comes so easily for you is that of all the experience you have. Not everyone needs or has that experience.
Trust your expertise and know that it's enough.
Action #3: Put Your Inner Critics in Their Place
The third and final action I want you to take is to put your inner critics in their place.
Now your inner critic's job is to keep you safe and comfortable.
Your inner critic comes from this place where she doesn't want you to get hurt, so she tells you things like: You can't. You need that other degree before you do that. This message isn't unique enough. What are you thinking?
All of those messages are to protect you, but they also keep you from taking a leap and taking the risk.
In some ways, she hurts us to keep us safe by telling us we're not good enough.
What you should do is, number one, name your inner critic. Give her a name, Sally Poopy Pants.
I don't care what you call her but name that critic. Because she is not you; she is just a part of you that is keeping you safe. So name her.
Then once you name her, give her lots of love.
Don't shun her, because she's coming from this place of “I want to protect you. I don't want to see you get rejected. I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want to see you get disappointed.”
That's a very noble effort, so give her lots and lots of love.
Then, finally, remind her who is in charge, you are, and that you've got this and you've got her, and you are going to take an action.
Then take that action.
- Send the pitch.
- Ask for the gig.
- Make the call.
- Create the speech.
- Work with me.
But take the action and trust yourself.
In speaking, if you don't trust yourself, you're going to languish in obscurity.
[Tweet “Three actions I am taking RIGHT NOW to help me speak more!”]
If you're ready to trust yourself and take that next step, or you want me to give you a swift kick in the ass to get you in gear so that you're speaking more and getting paid for it, then apply for a strategy session with me.
It's really easy. You fill out a form. I'll send you a link to book and then we'll chat.
Go to drmichellemazur.com/speak to fill out that form.
Remember, trust is the key to speaking more and taking the actions to move your speaking forward. You've got this.
