Constructively Delivering Feedback
My #1 job when I'm working with my speech design clients is to give them feedback on their message. My role is to be a passionate advocate for their audience so my clients create a message that matters. Every once in awhile, a message comes across my desk and I think: Oy vey! This needs to a major overhaul. I go about my work making their message better so that their audience takes action (and buys). But where I get nervous – is delivering the feedback. No matter how great the constructive criticism if delivered poorly doesn't improve it destroys – destroys morale, destroys confidence, destroys relationships.
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You suck and that's sad
I love happy bunny, but he sucks at giving feedback. This sentence has all the hallmarks of poorly delivered feedback. It's personal, it's judgmental, and it's not helpful! Harsh feedback puts you on the defensive, and you won't want to listen to what the critic is saying because it's upsetting.. What was truly sad is when the criticism was actually valid, helpful and good. When delivering feedback here are 3 ideas to keep in mind so that constructive criticism is not lost in poor delivery.
1. Stay positive
Even if the criticism that you present is going to be challenging for the other person to hear, stay positive. If you hated what they did, find something nice to say even if it's just appreciation for the work they put into the project. Staying positive sends the relational message that you care and just want them to improve!
2. It's all about framing
Reinforce that the criticism is meant to make the end product better. You realize it might be a lot of work to change, but you are on the same team with the same end goal. Criticism should not be adversarial, it should be for the good greater good. Criticism is all about the other person's success and propelling them forward in their business or their speaking.
3. Constructive criticism should NEVER be personal
Low blows, insults and being a blatant jerk is not constructive criticism! It's destructive. It's unprofessional and should always be avoided. A punch in the gut sends the relational message that the person giving the feedback is superior. They are not – they have opinion just like everyone else. The key to delivering helpful feedback is not to be a JERK! Here's the trick. Sometimes you think you are NOT being a jerk but the other person could feel hurt. Be sure to check in and get feedback on your feedback. Keep the conversation going. Whether you are the one receiving feedback or the one giving it, always remember: [Tweet “Feedback is just one person's opinion. Implement at your own discretion”]
Best feedback: “I didn’t understand a thing you said.” That was good because it caused me to rethink how I was delivering my message.
Worst feedback: “You’re ugly” What do you do with that?
Knowing that your audience doesn’t understand your message is helpful feedback! You’re ugly – what the heck? How about “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny?”
Here’s a couple of noteworthy critiques I’ve gotten.
“I understood your speech a lot better when you slowed down”. I’m naturally a high energy person so slowing down and speaking at a deliberate pace is crucial so my audience can understand me.
“I need more from you”. Exceptionally vague. Would’ve worked a lot better with some fleshed out details.
“You should do it more like (insert rival’s name here)” Perhaps not intentional but being told to speak like someone you deem your opposite is never fun.
Scott, I have issues slowing down as well because of the adrenaline!
I’ve gotten the I need more from you. What is it exactly you need? More explanation? More visual aids? More what? More money? I’ve gotten non-specific feedback like that at work as well and it drives me nuts.
Finally, speaking style is always unique to a person being told you should be like anyone other than yourself is always problematic!
A good evaluator is a combination of humility and confidence. They are humble enough to realize that they don’t know it all, and what they are offering is their opinion and limited knowledge. They are confident enough to realize that they do have some valuable feedback to offer, which may benefit the other person.
The reason for being positive is so that the other person will be receptive to the critical suggestion you will offer. The saying is that you catch more bees with honey. The other person will open themselves to your feedback if they realize that they are not going to get slammed by the comments.