Rebel Rising Podcast

Instead of Setting Goals Focus on This BIG Question Instead

It's that time of the year. Everyone is talking about goals and setting your goals for 2019.

I have a confession. I've always struggled with setting goals.

In fact, it stresses me out! So all of the goals setting talk that happens this time of the year, it makes me feel like a failure. Because when I look back on the goals that I set for myself in 2018, I didn't really accomplish any of them.

In fact, I accomplished a whole set of goals that I didn't even know I had, which I'll talk about in a future episode. But let me explain why this makes me feel like a failure.

I am a high achiever. I'm super competitive. I like to win and my friends could tell you about a time when we were playing Duran Duran Trivia, where they thought if I didn't win. I was going to burn down the houseI'm kidding, kind of, but I am hyper competitive.

Because you are stepping into this role of being a thought leader, being known for your work, making a difference. You might be a high achiever too, and you might be a little bit competitive.

Join me as I talk about why goal setting might now work for you and what you can do about it!

Tune into the audio:

Why Goal Setting Might Not Work for You

When I don't meet a goal, I feel like I've lost, which means that I feel like I am a loser. Which I'm not a loser, I know that, but goals are a zero sum proposition. You either achieve your goal or you don't.

You either made a $100k in your business or you didn't.

You either lost 20 pounds or you didn't.

You either went to Edinburgh for Christmas or you didn't.

While goals are a zero-sum game, the other thing that goal setting is supposed to do for you is to make you think differently, think bigger and act differently so that you switched from, “How do I do this? How do I accomplish this goal?” into what if mode.

So setting a bigger goal that you don't know how to achieve is supposed to make you act differently.

It's going to make you feel more challenged and when you're more challenge you're more likely to go after the goal.

But to me these two different definitions of goal setting are setting up a competing tension.

I should set a goal that I might not be able to achieve so that I can play a different game knowing full well that if I don't achieve the goal I lose. And because of that set big goals and the zero sum proposition, goal setting has never worked for me. Because I always set goals that were pretty easy to reach, so I would win rather than lose.

Instead of Setting Goals Ask Yourself This Question

If you struggled with goal setting, I would like to suggest something a bit different. Instead of focusing on setting your goals, your good, better, best goals or however you do your goal setting for the year, James Clear in his new book, Atomic Habits (which I highly, highly recommend if you are up to big things in 2019), what he suggests in the book is that we should focus on who we are becoming instead of achieving a goal.

Because when we know who we are becoming, then we can set up systems aka habits to get us to become that person.

Yes, you can still have goals that can be a subset of who you are becoming, but when the focus is on becoming, it's an evolution. It's a journey.

If you don't make the goal and a timeframe, it's cool because you're working the system, you're working your habits every single day and you're still becoming that person you want to be.

So that leads to this big, scary question.

Who are you becoming?

And this question is so big that it kind of makes me want to puke because it's that important.

Knowing who you are becoming let's you look for your role models of possibility, which I talked about in episode 119 of the Rebel Rising podcast.

You can look at these role models of possibility, see what they're doing and then you can figure out what habits and actions you should be cultivating on a daily basis.

So let's go for an easy example first. I've recently decided that I want to be the type of person who is physically stronger. I want to be the type of girl who can lug a 25-pound bag of cat litter up and down a flight of stairs without breaking a sweat.

The question then becomes, if I'm becoming a person who is stronger, who is more physically fit, I then need to ask myself, what do you physically strong people do?

Well, they work out with weights. Maybe they do high-intensity interval training. They are definitely eating tons of vegetables and clean protein.

I know I need to build habits and systems so that I can start lifting weights, exercising more and eating a little bit differently so that I can be stronger. So I know I need a system for that.

So what I have decided to do to get stronger is I joined OrangeTheory Fitness. It's high-intensity training. We lift weights every time we work on endurance and I go twice a week because I made a minimal viable promise to myself that I could attain.

I'm taking the first step in creating this habit of working out at least two times a week right now, hoping to up that to three times a week next year because that's what physically strong people do. And I'm becoming a person who is strong.

How Role Models of Possibility Can Help You Form Habits

Now let's take this into a business example. For me, who I want to become is a thought leader. I want to be known for the 3 Word Rebellion.

When I look to my role models of possibility like Mel Robbins or Simon Sinek, what I observe in their behaviors is that I know that they have a team that supports them.

They are visible with their message every single day. They're always sharing. They have a strong and compelling message already. They have a body of work that is packaged in a way that is very shareable.

So Yay, I have a message, but I don't have a team and I am not entirely consistent with my visibility. So the team thing, I'm going to be tackling a later in 2019. I'll keep you posted on that and how that's going.

But when I look at my role models of possibility, what I see is Mel Robbins does a Facebook Live and Instagram Live every single day called Coffee Talk where she's giving you an inspirational, motivational. “let's take some action” thought.

She's showing up. She's also sharing her message on social media every single day without fail.

So if I want to become a person who is a thought leader who is known for their work, I need habits and systems that help me show up every single day.

So for me right now in my business, I'm cultivating what I call the Visibility Habit.

How to Get Started Forming Habits

Atomic Habits by James, clear (once again, check out that book) has some great examples of how you can get started in forming that habit.

So one thing he says you should do is you should state what your intention is. I will spend up to 30 minutes a day doing visibility at 9:00 AM Pacific time at my desk.

I also spent some time just brainstorming different visibility activities that I can be doing.

As I start this habit, I'm starting small. I'm not going for the whole 30 minutes because in his book he argues that when you're forming a new habit, you should be able to do it in about two minutes or less.

So I set the intention of, “okay, I'm just going to do this for two minutes” and it usually ends up being 15 to 20.

But I can do it for two minutes and if I do it for two minutes, that means I have shown up. I am promoting this habit. I'm ingraining that habit into my daily routine.

Now, before you set goals or set yourself up for failure with your goals, figure out number one, who are you becoming?

Number two, what does the person you're becoming do every single day? What are their habits?

And number three, how can you create systems and habits to make it happen so that you can evolve in to that person?

If who you're becoming is a person who shares their message on a daily basis like me and you're ready to craft your 3 Word Rebellion so you can communicate every single day what you do, the difference you make, and become that thought leader, then I invite you to work with me.

Cultivating the habit of visibility is so much easier when you know exactly what you want to say every single day.

And how I start my day is that I look at my own 3 Word Rebellion, messaging, an action plan that I helped my clients create and I pick what I want to share.

Because when you've got the message down, when you know what your messaging pillars are and what stories you want to tell, you can just easily pluck those messages out of a document and start sharing it daily.

And oh my God, that makes visibility so much easier. So if it is your time to be visible, to be known for your work, to communicate the value of what you do and the difference you make, then we should definitely talk.

This time of year. I always allow people to book in with me in December and lock in the 2018 prices because I will be increasing prices in 2019.

Then you can start working with me anytime during the first quarter of 2019. So if you want to know more, if you want to be more visible, if you want to nail your message so that you start building that platform, you can go to and schedule a complimentary chat with me because I want you to be known for your work in the world.

And until next time, spend some time pondering who you are becoming and what habits you need to form, what systems you need in place to become that person.

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