Living Your Why and Turning 40
I bounded home from school overflowing with enthusiasm because I had it all figured out. My whole life planned. I knew exactly what I wanted to do – no – what I needed to do.
“Mommy, I know what I want to be when I grow-up?”
Her brown eyes grew wide, and she asked “What's that Michelle?”
“A politician,” I joyously cried out.
“Oh, you want to be President?”
“No Mommy, I want to be a politician.”
With her eyebrow raised and giving me her best “I don't want to discourage my daughter” voice she asked, “Why do you want to be a politician?”
“Because they help people.”
That's when she put me into therapy. She didn't, but she knew this politician dream was all her fault.
At 5 years-old, I loved JFK.I saw that he had a voice. He helped people and could change the world. My mom often talked of Martin Luther King's “I have a dream” speech making the world better for people of all races. In my head politicians helped people – they used their voice to change the world.
After getting the trounced in the 2nd grade student council election, I quickly saw politics as a code word for popularity contest. I still longed to help people, but politics was not my bag.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
When I ask that question, very few people answer with what they are doing currently. Truthfully, being a fairy princess is just not a growth industry, but the world needs accountants. It doesn't matter what you are currently doing as long as you are true to that first instinctual mission you had.
I believe you can find the why behind what you want to do when you think about your five year old self, running home from school, full of joy knowing that plan. If you wanted to be an astronaut, did you want to do it for the adventure, the exploration or the science?
My why from five years old has been helping people find their voice so they can help others.
Truth – I've not been living my why
When I was a professor, I LOVED teaching. I loved helping my students achieve at their highest levels. I was a tough prof, but I had a following of devoted students, and I was equally devoted to helping them reach their goals and dreams. Nothing brought me more joy then seeing my students excel.
When I left academia, I abandoned my why like rusted-out Geo Metro on the side of the highway. I didn't even know I was doing it at the time.
I went into market research because having a Ph.D. means you're a damn good researcher and that's marketable! For five years, I traded my why, my passion and my enthusiasm for money, security and a hefty dose of boredom.
Confession: While I've been running this blog and taking clients, I've still been a full-time market researcher.
I'm good at my day job, and on occasion I get to help my co-workers. This makes me feel fantastic and sick at the same time. It reminds me that I am NOT helping people every day. The ripple effect is NOT happening. The world is not changing in incremental ways every day that I sit in my cubicle and rot away.
It makes my stomach churn. I feel like a fraud for pretending at my “career” for so long.
Today is my 40th Birthday…
Where the hell did 40 years go? Why did I waste 5 years doing market research?
It's time to get back to my why. It's time to do this business for real. It's time to help others find their voice in business so their message can ripple out and change the world. My gut is like “hell, yes” but…
I'm freaking terrified!
I might fail.
I might look like a complete moron.
I might declare bankruptcy.
I might lose everything.
I might never have another client again.
I might even end up “living in a van down by the river!” (I'd have to buy a van first.)
What scares me more is turning 41, and ignoring my why, my passion, my reason for being for a second more.
Leaving the 40-hour a week safety net, no security (well I do have a great man backing me up) – just hustle, moxie and my why are along for the ride.
Happy Birthday, my lovely why. Glad, you waited for me while I grew-up, grew a pair, and remember the girl who wanted to be a politician so she could help people.
What's your why? Your drive? Are you living it everyday? If not, when will you start?
*Post written under the influence of Simon Sinek, coffee, and the aftermath of a whisky fueled late-night chat with one of my closest friends, Omar Rivas.
I adore you. Seriously. For a bunch of reasons but here are two:
1)Thank you for the reminder that before we got smart and savvy we KNEW why we wanted to be who we wanted to be. It wasn’t complex and had very little to do with a title.
2) There is something to be said for a steady paycheck and another to be said for living a life that lights us up.
Thanks for the reminders on both fronts.
Thank you Alli! I adore you too.
It’s funny that as a child, we had such a clear vision of our why. Then that slips away as we get older. It’s like a fog comes in and clouds up our vision for ourselves. We spend our lives fighting to get back to that place of clarity that we had when we are five.
Here’s to living a life that lights us up!
Hi Michelle – first, Happy Birthday! I celebrated mine this week too, obviously all the smart people were born in September. But 40 is just a number, and my number was much bigger this week, however, I still ask the question where did they go?
I applaud you. You have done an amazing, excellent and professional job “moonlighting.” Just think what you will achieve when you really go for it! Your post resonates on so many levels with my own thinking – I too am “moonlighting” – and working out the why is so important. I spoke yesterday at a church about the importance of names. You’re a brit and you will remember that classic line when you came home from school crying because of the names that kids called you. Your mom more than likely said, Stick and stones may break your bones …” But the name we get called do sometimes hurt! Especially the ones we call ourselves. We start to behave like the names we get called. But this is true power … what if we give ourselves a new name! You can do that (it sounds like you have already) and it’s not the “sad old girl who lives in a van!”
Dr. Michelle Mazur Speech Coach and Presentation Skills Trainer (living the why)
Happy Birthday my friend! Drink champagne, dance on the table, and live into the new name. Trust me the next 10 years go even quicker!
Thank you Peter for the Birthday wishes!
The time seems to fly by, doesn’t it? Remember when you were a kid and it seemed to take FOREVER for Christmas to come? Those 365 days between one Christmas and the next felt like an eternity. Now, they fly by in a blink of an eye. Where does the time go?
I do agree that what we call ourselves makes a huge difference in the outcome. If we name it, share it and give it legs in the world, it begins to happen for us. It’s scary to do but sooooo worth it.
Happy Birthday! I hear you on not living your dream, I keep getting back on track to my dream and than I let life mess with me and I loose track of “who I want to be when I grow up,” I look forward to hearing more about your journey.
Thank you Dianna! Life has that ability to get in the way of who we were meant to be. It’s easy to loose track of because I know I’ve lost track of it for 5 years now. I’ll keep you updated on the journey. It’s exciting, terrifying and wondrous all at the same time.
Well done and congrats!! I am reading the same book, love it! Thankfully no 9 – 5 to quit – but I can understand the big lead you just took!!
Thank you Julie! I appreciate the support. It’s a great read. It’s helped me think differently about why I do what I do instead of just the what.
Happy birthday! And good for you and your determination to live your why! Way too often I’ve let the worries about security of others in my life push me away from the more fulfilling alternative. Go for it! (You can always adjunct to provide a bit of a base, and that will likely fuel the “helping” gene more than research will.)
Thank you Donn! I’m excited for this phase of my life. It’s a big jump for me, but turning 40 has been a big kick in the pants.
As another Michelle who celebrated a birthday on September 8 (just turned 38 – I’m right behind ya!), your post really hit home with me. Thanks for articulating what’s been going on in my head! 🙂
Here’s to moving forward!
Happy Birthday fellow Virgo, Michelle and Birthday twin. 40 really has shook up my thinking. In a good way, I’m excited to see what this decade holds.
Love this Michelle. 🙂 I decided to do just this, a tad over 3 years ago… to live my why before I turned 30. Which happens to be October next year.
I love this -> “What scares me more is turning 41, and ignoring my why, my passion, my reason for being for a second more.”
And that’s what did it for me! 🙂 Enjoy the journey!
Thank you Tamala! I’m glad you are out living your why too. It’s a scary, but ultimately rewarding leap.
Birthday Girl, your work has helped my business. If I followed your advice more, it would help my business Even more.
So don’t sell yourself short!
When I was little I wanted to be a mommy, a professional friend, and boss people around.
Mission Accomplished!
Party on,
Nonnahs
Nonnahs, this brought my great joy to my heart. I’m over the moon that my writing has helped with your business. I’m on to bigger and better things. I’m completely jazzed to do it and help change the world.